Tags
Related Posts
Share This
God Told Me. (No Really, HE DID!)
I’m not sure how many of you caught this little gem from a week ago today…
“I think He (God) showed me about the next president, but I’m not supposed to talk about that so I’ll leave you in the dark — probably just as well — but I think I know who it’s gonna be,”
-Pat Robertson one week ago on CBN’s 700 Club.
So, yeah, I figured what with today being the New Hampshire Primary, it was a good time for me to pull out Christian Conservative Pat Robertson’s week-old quote in which he claimed that God showed him who the next President of the USA would be. The thing is, I can never tell when Pat Robertson’s being serious. At times, I wonder if perhaps the spirit of the late great Andy Kauffman is possessing Robertson.
Whatever…for the sake of argument, let’s just say Robertson was being serious that God told him who the next President was going to be. Unlike yours truly, Pat Robertson never says who that guy’s going to be. That’s just old Pat being very discreet, and all that. Either that, or he’s afraid God was pulling his leg and giving him a false name. Or…maybe it wasn’t God talking to him at all. Maybe it was Beelzebub.
Still, if he can make that claim so can I…
To those of you who are regular readers, you probably remember when I wrote that if Texas Governor Rick Perry’s in he wins. Man, I was so sure of it too…Had it all mapped out in my head and everything! Damn, I was soooo feeling it.
Well, I’m here to tell you now that wasn’t me talking – it was God! And might I just say, thanks a lot, God.
And…just a few weeks ago, I wrote about how Libertarian God-send Ron Paul was going to win the Iowa caucuses. Not only that, I said it wasn’t even going to be that close. The Ron Paul spirit was really flowing through me, man. Alas, once again, that wasn’t my prognostication abilities on the line there: It was God’s. Way to go, God!
(Pat Robertson’s cue cards from last week’s 700 Club)
During the same conversation Pat Robertson also said that God advised him the nation could end up swirling down the commode – the flush being the result of a massive economic collapse. The cause of said economic collapse? Robertson suggested that God told him it would come about if Obama was reelected president.
“And God said, this is not my judgment, they are bringing it upon themselves,” Robertson added.
Okay, well if God’s not pulling any legs, I have to agree with Pat Robertson on that whole “Hell Breaking Loose if Obama’s Reelected” thing. Of course the only thing that proves is that even a stopped clock is right twice a day. ( I’ll let you decide whether I’m talking about Robertson or myself…)
Now, I truly hope you realize that I put no stock in anything that Pat Robertson has to say. Every time he opens his mouth, some new and either hilarious or vile disgrace oozes out of it: God caused this hurricane, that snow storm….or, Hell, even the cancellation of your favorite TV show.
That being said, however, I’d still love to know who God told him would be the next President. For one thing, I’d like to know if Obama is going to be reelected so I can stock up on toilet paper and other sundry items.
Not to mention the fact that if Robertson’s right where I’ve been wrong, I’m going to have to have a serious talk with God.
Of course….maybe God was being straight with me and Rick Perry will still pull it out… ; )
